It don’t bother me if it rains or freezes
Long as I got my plastic Jesus
Sittin’ on the dashboard of my car
You can but him phosphorescent
Glowin’ in the dark he’s effervescent
I can always find him when they close the bar

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Ridin’ on the dashboard of my car
I can go one hundred miles an hour
Long as I got the almighty’s power
Some crazy glue and then it’s see ya’ au-revoir

When I weave around at night
And the cop who stops me thinks I’m tight
He’ll never find my booze, don’t even ask
Cause my plastic Jesus makes me bolder
I’m speakin’ in tongues like a holy roller
He’s hollow and I use him for a flask

And when I’m in a traffic jam
He never cares if I say damn it
I can cuss and swear
And play that old rock and roll
My plastic Jesus cannot hear
Because he’s got a plastic ear
This new fantastic plastic saves my soul

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Ridin’ on the dashboard of my car
With lots of sunshine on his back
You can watch him chip and peel and crack
A little bit of spackle
And he’ll be up to par

My plastic Jesus might have to go
Cause his magnet screws up my radio
Sittin on the dashboard of my car
I’m tired of hearing about politics
Cause the lies they’re tellin’ are makin’ me sick
Gonna ask old Noah if he can build me an ark

I don’t care if the nights are scary
Long as I got the Virgin Mary
Sittin’ on the dashboard of my car
Yeah, I got hat ol’ dynamic duo
Singin’ a hymn beneath their halos
While the holy ghost is pickin’ on his guitar

Plastic Jesus, plastic Jesus
Sittin’ on the dashboard of my car
Through all my trials and my tribulations
With my little plastic buddy we’ll go far